Modern dating in ALL its GLORY!

MODERN DATING IN ALL ITS GLORY..

So, fellow singletons, players in this world of online and 'out there' dating...This is a somewhat heartfelt but very honest reaction to something I recently read regarding why modern relationships do not last, which quite genuinely felt like I was being punched in the face from all angles at least 20 times over… Persevere with the first few paragraphs, and please trust me that it is going to end positively!

We all know, and are well aware that modern dating, for want of a better expression, is absolutely and utterly FUCKED (sorry). And yes I have every right to say this, as I am currently, and have been for a very long time, as single as it gets. Sadly it isn’t even 100% by choice. I have, for what feels like the 100th time, deleted all dating apps on my phone, thrown my hands dramatically in the air and, this time no want of a better expression, said FUCK THEM ALL. I must be almost a month going strong now- no apps, no men, no….sex. HURRAH. 

What has driven me to this current predicament is that I am tired of the game. I am tired of constantly having to craft some sort of interesting banter out of nothing. I am tired of checking my phone every few minutes and hating myself for the desperation in which I wait for a message in return. I have genuinely had enough of feebly attempting to come across as if I don’t give a shit. Because for those of us fortunate enough to still be taking part in the game, this is what seems to be expected. To keep someone's attention, especially in the earlier days of messaging, you need to possess a lot of wit, but not so much that it puts you in the friend zone…

 Then there is that balancing act of trying not to come across as too full on- that’s a sure fire way to get sacked off before date #2. God forbid wanting to appear interested or something!

What is left is artfully balancing the personality so that the very best of yourself is placed neatly on display.  And, when you are finally “seeing each other” do expect that it is in NO way exclusive, because there are just too many other fish in this overly populated ocean. 

My sincerest apologies if you are newly single, now a player in the game….in reality, this is what you are now in for.

HOWEVER, most likely you have heard every other sad, bitter modern singleton moan about this. Don’t worry, I assure you I am still one of those. BUT for my own sanity I’m choosing to believe in another side to it all.

Because YES, I do expect someone to match me in my self proclaimed hilarious and witty humour. YES, I will keep myself open to options. YES I will probably come across as too much because I will test boundaries in search of someone who can deal with a little fire. I will NOT accept the first potential from tinder or bumble that comes my way because I am in need of someone to hold me together.  

Yes, I would love someone to help me back up at times. I would love if someone would put up with my incessant chatter 24/7. Honestly, sometimes I would just be happy to have someone koala bear cuddle me all night...and such..

BUT

I am absolutely okay living single. As are so many others in my generation. The generation who supposedly do not know how to love or to be loved. I call BULLSHIT. This is human, and for the most part even though the world has evolved to a point where we are so reliant on machines and technology to perform basic tasks ,we are still human, and have not forgotten about love. What now is more prominent in our seemingly singleton society is SELF LOVE AND WORTH. And just as we don’t settle in other aspects of our lives, we no longer settle in a relationship that is not what we want. Because social norms no longer require that of us. It’s called evolution. These norms and customs have been, and will continue to change and evolve, so therefore it is no wonder that the way we view and deal with relationships is also changing! Just as gender roles in relationships have evolved, so have our views and expectations…which is why it is no surprise that this generation are not staying in marriages their entire lives. Because this is NO LONGER social norm! We just don’t settle! And it’s OKAY! It is actually wonderfully liberating. And most of all, we deserve the right to be blissfully and unashamedly happy don’t we. 

I fully believe that we all have soulmates (plural), as I am still a hopeful romantic, and am in no way embarrassed to say that. Life is consistently changing and evolving right? We know this. Therefore it makes complete sense that there is more than one soulmate for us out there. I do not for one second regret anyone coming into my life- even if for the shortest amount of time- nor will I ever be afraid to let someone in because I am scared of having to one day let them go. You simply cannot regret being in some sort of relationship (term used however very loosely) that made a positive impact on your life at that point in time. No matter the length of. 

It is human to be be afraid of getting your soul broken. Just as it is human to be afraid of being lonely. But it is also human to let something go, or to move on, because it simply is not right for you. Or if you just don’t WANT IT. That is reality, and that is human. It is also why relationships seemingly fail more in our current society. We are becoming a whole lot more HUMAN, and that is empowering. 

It always comes down to going forth as the best version of yourself. How are we meant to attract one of our many soulmates if we are not reflecting on the outside our best and most empowered version. Believing that a relationship will fix you, or keep you together is where we go wrong. Because, if you are in pieces before it begins, how are you meant to pick yourself back up when shit hits the fan. And it most likely will at some point. With self love and going forth as our best version, we no longer need to go into each relationship as if that it is “the one” or because we need saving. We go in taking a chance that it may turn out to shine some sort of positivity into our lives, without an expectation of how long it’s going to last. It is all part of this insane and unpredictable journey that we call life these days, and it will take us on one hell of a ride. And I can only emphasise without any doubt at all, that it is only human to absolutely ride the SHIT out of it.