The balance of holding on and letting go..

My generation are a group of travellers. We take gap years, move from one spot to the next, and spend months away at a time ‘finding ourselves’. Not to mention to amount of other we find too... It’s like we’re bred not to sit still, not to be content; we constantly search for just a little more, more, more whatever that may be.

Wow. That sounded almost negative...

It’s not. Believe me. It’s seriously wonderful- the fact that we have the option to go somewhere else and live a whole new life. We meet copious amounts of people who influence and inspire us. We consistently look to achieve and experience more. And gain a large amount of internal retrospection. 

But, fuck, it can get tiring. Especially in social media, travel/living abroad is only portrayed in a ‘positive’ light. And with good reason, because who actually wants to deal with or know about the negative parts?

BULLSHIT. I do. And I’m going to write on it right now. Because this is honesty, and has been real for me since I left home in NZ at age 18. 

Stick with me here- it’s going to end positively…

I wouldn’t say I’ve done a great deal of travel per say- it’s more that I have lived and built a life in quite a few different countries (my odd motley accent say’s it all), and currently am only 25. It’s been a journey to say the least, and in all honesty, there are so many decisions I’d probably go back and change. I am your standard millennial who cannot sit still, wants to see it all, and is always convinced there’s got to be bigger and better things out there. 

I originally moved to pursue dance, but along the way found fitness, and a way to express myself through this work instead. It was me who held this expectation on myself, whether I succeeded as a professional dancer to validate my life as a success or not. When I let go of that, I was able to let a whole lot more passion come into my fitness work. That’s not the point of me writing this however. More of a side note. 

What I’ve found the hardest to deal with over these last seven and a half years are the goodbyes. It’s like every one of them hurts me a little more. Each place I leave, and each wonderful friend I say goodbye to. It feels like you leave a little piece of yourself each time, and eventually little pieces of your soul feel scattered all over the place. 

Dramatic? Maybe a little.. But, pretty fucking honest. 

It sounds like I am sad most of the time, and I can assure this is certainly NOT the case- I certainly know how to have FUN, and live life in a way that I describe as being 0-100. All or nothing. Give like 20,000 fucks, or keep it to 0. Leaving a place, and starting fresh is second nature. Because, when you start somewhere new, it’s a chance to also become someone new, and to leave your old and somewhat disjointed self behind. But what you also leave behind are the people you meet, the experiences you have, and as corny/overdone as it may sound, the lessons you learn.

So finally, I have believe I have stopped running. In no way does this mean I will stop travelling or moving place. In no way does this mean I will stay contented when I know I can push to be more successful, driven, and inspired. In no way does this mean that I am afraid to say goodbye again. 

What it does mean, though, is that I will no longer go somewhere new in order to ‘start fresh’. Each person or friend you meet along the way; you do not leave them, they are not pieces that are left behind. I firmly believe that they all come along for the ride, shaping your current situation, and affecting your next destination or decision. In the best way possible. These pieces help to create the best version of you; the version that you bring to your next destination- may it be place or situation- as a human/soul/being who is entirely whole, and affected by it all in the most wonderful way. 

So, this is not about staying put, creating a base, finding routine, in order to piece yourself back together. It’s about bringing each piece with you along for the ride. I really believe this is a way that I can feel together without needing to stay put in one place for the rest of my life. I’ve always said this, and stood by it; fuck what others say you should do, or what you might convince yourself is the right thing to do. Why stay somewhere, or in a situation, that dampens your spirit and drains your energy? Why avoid change because your scared of falling apart?

I would use the phrase “Just leave it”. I won’t get into the history; it’s ridiculous and somewhat of a personal joke. But I used to live my life in this way. In this way of just leaving things behind, starting fresh, forgetting the shit. This shit comes with you though. You can’t run from the shit, but you certainly can use it, because it’s just another piece to the best version of yourself going forward. 

Think it’s time to 'just leave' that saying..