"Turn off your mind, relax, float downstream"

“Turn off your mind, relax, float downstream’ 

A quote by Timothy Leary, a pioneer in the psychedelic world, that describes exactly how you should approach a psychedelic trip. As I slipped into my most recent mushroom experience I had these words on my mind, and everything I have read on and listened to in the past year, to do with the therapeutic side of psychedelics, became so very clear. 

Two months ago I had the highest dose of mushrooms that I had ever done, and had been ready to slip away from reality, however I was to learn that there was some deeply rooted pain that needed to be addressed, so down the rabbit hole I went. My mind slipped into what felt like a black abyss, and there was no turning around until I got to the bottom of it. It felt like I was re-living and feeling every bit of pain that I had experienced in the past few years. There was no vision, only feelings and emotion. There was an abrupt stop, the hole opened and I was plummeting past what I knew as my own life. There was no timeline, only an overpowering sense to let go, as if I was shedding layers. 

Eventually I did hit the bottom, where there was no thought or emotion. Maybe it was rock bottom; it felt safe, somewhat calm and I knew I could stay as long as needed. I don’t remember how long I spent down there, but I did know that I had to make the conscious choice to get out. I alone had to chose to move forward. Music always holds a story, and whilst coming out of this dark place, the track playing had a beautiful sense of rebuilding and regeneration. 

A powerful moment. 

 I'll never really know exactly what I encountered in the depths of my mind, because it was further than my timeline as I knew it. But what I do know, is that whatever monster I came face to face with, did not come back to the surface with me. It wasn’t yet complete disillusion of the ego, but certainly a step closer.

Two months later, on the same strain of mushroom I increased my dose, jumped back into the rabbit hole, and had a completely different experience. 

Embedded into my oodie, I floated down the psychedelic stream into a world where I had no physical form. I had no limbs, muscles or even a brain. All I could sense was was, what I felt was my soul, soaring into a realm of light and energy. At this point there were no thoughts or judgements, and there was no past or future. I blissfully surrendered to the ride, and after what felt like a lifetime, thoughts started to formulate. 

There had been a conversation happening around me, and once the thoughts came back I was able to dissect it. There was talk of listening; taking the time to get uncomfortable and look within. This sparked the next adventure in my mind. I believe this is what letting go of the ego is. In studies of Psychedelics in therapy, the ego is often described as the part of your mind that creates stories of who you are, what you think, how you feel. If we take the time to listen, to heal, to understand, to eliminate the distraction of white noise, maybe we can keep the ego at bay. By spending time in those hard and uncomfortable places. That part is daunting, and the ego will hold onto ‘reality’ as tightly as it can. But this is what a psychedelic trip is all about; you’ve got to get through the discomfort, confront the uncomfortable, before coming out the other side. 

Stop for a minute, and feel the fucking rain.  

I had a stroke a few years ago, which inevitably came up in both of these trips. This idea of listening felt very strong, and I had an overpowering realisation that perhaps this episode was a result of my inability to stop and listen. There were most likely warning signs, but I was too distracted by that non-conducive white noise surrounding me,  that I could not hear the whispers. From here my mind went to generational health, and conditions passed through genetics. If you are told that you are susceptible to a condition from generations earlier, the ego takes over, creates the story and suddenly the book is written.  As I was deep into unravelling my own story, I was overcome with a stark sense of joy as if the answer had been there all along, and again it came back to the disillusion of the ego.

Listening is not only for within though. As we live in this fast and furious world, artfully juggling the many facets of our life, it feels that humanity as a whole has forgotten how to listen to each other. How to really hear someone. How to truly take in each encounter. Which comes down to being present. Present in relationships, encounters, experiences. This is healing. The quietening of white noise, and the art of really listening to one other. As always, my psychedelic trips tend to come full circle, and many years ago, I had this conversation with a friend about being present in all relationships. A simple idea that at this time made more sense than ever.

I definitely don’t have the answer yet. Because life is moving, and change is inevitable, so therefore the answer is ever-changing. There is no beginning, and there is no end. Energy is never created, nor is it destroyed. There is only now, and to find an answer we must quieten the noise, stop, listen and look within. 

Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream.